Getting Back With Your Ex – Is It Even A Good Idea?
The second time is the charm. Right? Or maybe the third.
At least that’s what many men and women think when they plan to get back together with their exes. Getting back together might be a charm if both partners are willing to work on the issues that broke them apart in the first place. Unfortunately, most people don’t change all that much, even when they have the best intentions to do so.
So is revisiting a relationship that has already crashed and burned a good idea?
Most relationship counselors and life coaches advise against it, and yet the heart wants what the heart wants – even if it entails getting hurt all over again.
So why would you want to get back together with your ex when it didn’t work out previously?
You Might Mistake Something Else For Love
Are you still in love? Were you ever in love to begin with? These are important questions to ask yourself.
People who are in love usually make amends and work on their relationship, breaking it off only when they feel their love is not sufficient enough. Popular internet personality and relationship advisor Dr. Phil claims that every moment you spend mulling over an ex is a moment spent away from finding a better match. Perhaps all you really shared with your ex was “comfort”, not love, and it’s that comfort level that is drawing you back into a relationship that isn’t right for you.
You Want To Reconcile Because Moving On Is Difficult
A lot of people attempt to reconcile with their exes simply because moving on is hard. Author Stephen Betchen says that winning someone after a breakup is one of the most difficult challenges to master. In his article in Psychology Today, Betchen also lists a number of reasons why getting back together is seemingly impossible most of the time.
You Have Never Given Much Thought To Your Emotional Well-Being
Putting the pieces of your broken relationship back together may seem like a step towards emotional healing, but in many cases, it is not. Whether you initiated the breakup or not, understand that it happened because something was not right. If you initiated the breakup, perhaps you were not happy, and if your ex initiated it, perhaps they were not happy. There is very little chance of turning it into a happy, healthy relationship if both of you were miserable together.
So what has changed? Are you more resolved to deal with bad situations? Or are you just buckling under pressure? An article in the Huffington Post reports that people take a lot of time to change, and this change may not be very radical. So the problems you had in your relationship will continue to be if you do not make radical amends.
Take the time to heal yourself and give attention to your emotional well-being. Getting back together with an ex may not always be a bad idea either. However, this is a step that should be taken very cautiously, and after great deliberation. Only when you feel you are ready to face and overcome the challenges you already succumbed to once, should you even attempt to get back with your ex.